Star Trek Gripes

Written by Lord Hart

We've all seen at least one episode or movie of Star Trek, no matter which incarnation, and we all take notice of the stupid things that go on during the shows. I decided to write this article, detailing my personal gripes with all the things I find stupid throughout the shows.

Counselor Deanna Troi - We all hate certain characters, and Deanna Troi was one that alot of people hated. She was absolutely useless when it came to giving any help to the captain or the crew. Saying "I sense anger, Captain" in the middle of a hostile action from another vessel is not helpful, and it makes you wonder why these people never told her to shut the fuck up, and say "No shit!". Sure, later on they redeemed some things about her, but the fact that she sucked so hard for so long should be enough to win any battle concerning her character.

Apart from the fact she was useless, she also had the nerve to get around in a fucking jazzercise outfit at all times. She is a commissioned Starfleet officer, AND a part of the command crew of the flagship of the Federation (how the FUCK did she manage that?!), and she decides to wear her gym outfit all the time, sometimes with a pointless little skirt-piece added to it. She should be lucky that there is no form of currency for the Federation, otherwise she would be one poor bitch.

Control Panels - How many times during the course of any series, did you hear the following: "Captain, I cannot access the navigation controls. Someone has locked out the system!"

This has to be one of the stupidest things about these starships. The fact that the Bridgecrew can be locked out of their control panels by some guy who has hijacked a terminal in a fucking hallway is a serious fucking design flaw. It's the Star Trek equivalent of having a second steering wheel attached to the outside of your car, so anyone can drive it, which locks out the first wheel when it is being used.

No Glass! - This one specifically is refered in 'Star Trek: First Contact' where Picard shows the black chick that there isn't any glass between her and outer space. Sure, there is a special force field there, but with the amount of power outages they have throughout the whole of the series, you'd think that they would at least have a fucking backup plan in case the fields go down.

Seriously, what would you rather? A force field that could lose power at any time due to any number of stupid reasons, that is usually the fault of one of your fellow crew-members, or a thick wall of that clear aluminium shit Scotty used in Star Trek IV? I know what i'll be preferring.

A Lifeform of Some Sort - How many times has the Enterprise or Voyager come across a nebula, or some funky thing in space and begun experiments on it until they are attacked by an unknown source, only to realise that the thing that is attacking them is the thing they were studying and it was a lifeform that is intelligent? A shitload, right?

You'd think that after all the times it had happened, that Starfleet would ammend their Prime Directive to include some gaseous shit that is floating in space and directly state that you can't TOUCH it. It'd save a whole heap of time if they ignored their curiosity with the unknown.



The Prime Directive - And while I make mention of it, just WHAT is the point of the prime directive? Every time that it was convenient, they decided that it would be best to still interfere with other cultures to either save them, or some other crap which is significant enough to break their apparently most sacred law. "Captain, the people on Altos 4 are dying!" "Are they a warp-capable civilization?" "No!" "Hmm... how many people?" "40,000!" "OMG! THERE ARE TOO MANY TO ALLOW THEM TO DIE! WARP FACTOR NINE!!!"

Take a look at the Memory Alpha page dealing with the Prime Directive and take a look at the 'notable violations'. Twelve, altogether from just the four series (not including Enterprise, since they don't have the PD), so it is roughly 3 average each captain. Now, multiply that by however many captains are actually in the Star Trek universe, and that is a whole heap of violations.

Even if you decide to take away some of the captains that most likely won't break the directive, no matter what, and it is still a massive number. Starfleet should just do away with the law and come up with a "do whatever you feel" policy when it comes to ANY situation.

Vulcans Have Emotions - For the love of god, stop trying to convince the audience that they don't. Every time there is a vulcan in an episode, they usually have them act all "logical", which is apparently another word for being a bitter asshole, or a free invitation for them to show disdain for anything else apart from Vulcan logic. Take one episode of Voyager, where the crew came across a ship full of Klingons whose ancestors left the Alpha Quadrant many years before. Taking that crew on board forced people to double up in quarters, which led to Neelix taking residence in Tuvoks quarters.

Tuvok is obviously PISSED, and he is obviously MORE pissed when later on, Neelix destroys everything in the room after a bit of a romp with a huge Klingon woman. This is the same through-out every version of Star Trek, showing that the Vulcans are hardly the emotionally repressed society they are supposed to be. That is probably the reason why the Romulans make better Vulcans than the Vulcans do, as they at least acknowledge they have emotions and express them instead of bullshitting all the time. Emotionless, indeed.

I have more gripes, but those can be told... another time.